Joke 1: Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her
excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best
dressed mother-of-the-bride ever.
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new
young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother.
Jennifer asked her step-mother to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not.
I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she
replied.Jennifer told her mother who graciously said,
"Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress.
After all, it's your
special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous
dress.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you
going to return the other dress? You really don't have another
occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing
it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."
Joke 2: A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
Joke 3: Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: "Yes dear".
Joke 4: The celebrant noticed that the bride was in great distress so asked her what was wrong. She replied that she was nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The celebrant told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, because that is what you'll be walking down. Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service. While the bride was walking to the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words. . . Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him!)
Joke 5: A man was speaking to God.
"God, why did you make women so beautiful?" he asked.
God said: "I did that to make you love them".
Then the man asked: "Well, God; why did you make them such good cooks?"
God said: "I did that to make you love them".
The man then asked: "But God, why did you make women so stupid?".
God said: "I did that to make them love you !"
Joke 6: The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."
Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if it's your own."
Joke 7: As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband NEVER to touch it.
For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash.
He took the box to her and asked about the contents.
"My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, that's the money I made selling the rest of the doilies."
Joke 8 (this is one of my favorite):A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears himself by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." -too cute-
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